Try a little Politeness

There's an interesting dynamic in a smaller server, where politeness seems to be a lost art. For example, for most people on Zuluhed the ultimate in being polite consists of "r u X spec?" questions whispered to random folks you don't actually know.

In real society, it's considered polite to say "excuse me" to indicate that you're interrupting -- but that part definitely goes out the window in smaller WoW communities. (I did have one stranger whisper "excuse me, I hate to interrupt" but they were a potential transferee from another server who wanted some questions answered about Zuluhed, not a zulu regular.) I'm sure it's partly from the frustration of trying to get groups together, trying to survive the twisty economy, and so on. But it's also from feeling like you're in a small town where everyone knows each other's secrets. So there's no feeling of putting on your "good" face when introducing yourself to one of the three people on the server who you don't know. Thankfully, life on a small server can continue quite well even without the "excuse me" level of politeness.

But unfortunately, one of the biggest politeness problems can happen within guilds on a small server. In these cases it's not just the "excuse me" part that gets lost -- the whole question gets left out. Instead of asking "are you interested in X instance and are you available on X date" the folks in your guild (or in your regular group of in-game friends) assume that you will (of course) be available, just because you were on the other night and are often on when they are.

The assumption method works fine a lot of the time -- after all, in these small groups you pretty much know each other's schedules. But it falls apart if the person has life commitments or obligations outside of WoW....in other words, if the person has a spouse/relationship, kids, a job, pets, or even friends that aren't in the game. Because in Real Life things happen...friends drop by, relatives get sick, chores need done, and so on, and those Real Life things don't happen on WoW's schedule or schedule themselves only in non-WoW hours. There are only a few folks who fit the stereotype of living in basements and playing WoW 24/7 on their mom's dollar...which means that everyone else has commitments or may get hit with an Act of God that will cause the folks who made the assumption to get angry and frustrated.

There's only one way to prevent that frustration -- and the bad feelings on both sides. Ask. Don't assume that everyone is available just because you are, or that they're available on your schedule. Say "hey, do you want to run X instance tomorrow night?" rather than just putting it on the calendar without saying anything or (even worse) just assuming that they'll be on and interested. This means you should ask (in advance, not when you're standing at the summoning stone) if there's a time that's good for them.

It's amazing how much smoother your relationships on a small server will be if you overwhelm everyone with politeness, instead of relying on assumptions.